Turtles at Work

“If you want to win a battle, it is better to have an army of asses led by a lion, than an army of lions led by an ass” – George Washington

The above quote by George Washington is one of my all time favorites. At every place I’ve worked I posted the quote as a way to keep myself focused on being an effective leader. Unfortunately for me, many of my superiors have failed to read and understand George’s words leaving me to live out both sides of the quote. I am the lion leading my people, but at the same time I am the lion being led by an ass (my boss). The role of being in middle management at a bad company is grinding in many ways. I can be completely effective and influential in leading my people yet at the same time be hindered by the inadequacies of the leadership above me.

Like the ass, many upper management bosses’ are stubborn, slow, lazy, stupid and loud providing little actual leadership or support. They would much rather blob around their office or chirp out cliché’s so they can hear themselves talk, instead of trying to be real leaders. This lack of top level leadership and support chips away at the middle management lion’s motivation. Eventually the lion middle manager decides that it is easier to “blend in” because the stupid asses above don’t care to listen or act on anything. The transition from lion middle manager to turtle at work middle manager occurs without the clueless upper management asses ever taking notice. It’s a shame, but it happens!

Posted by The Turtle King at Thursday, April 26, 2007 0 comments    

Labels: Bad Bosses

I covered several workplace pesonalities in an earlier post titled Turtling Through Workplace Personalities. In that post I thought I had pretty much covered all of the different kinds of personalities I've worked with in my career. However, recently I came across a workplace personality that I forgot to add to that post. This one is classic and I now present to you....The Office Pig Pen.

You may remember the classic Charlie Brown character named Pig Pen. In the cartoon, Pig Pen is depicted as the dirty kid, complete with stained face and clothes with an accompanying cloud of dirt that follows him as he walks. I believe the character of Pig Pen was meant as a way to show kids how not to act. The concept of washing your hands, bathing daily, and maintaining a crisp personal appearance were all lessons to be learned from Pig Pen. Unfortunately though, some people missed the Charlie Brown cartoons and the lessons learned from Pig Pen. As a result there are many office versions of the Pig Pen character. I happen to work with a few Office Pig Pens at my current company. Below are a few signs that you have an Office Pig Pen working in your company:

Poor bathroom etiquette is one behavior of the Office Pig Pen. A manager I work with is a prime example. On the occasion that we will cross paths in the men’s room I notice that he does the quick hand wash without soap. Even after dropping a number 2, he’ll come out of the stall, turn the faucet on for 2 seconds, run his hands under it and then go for the paper towel. No soap, no scrubbing, just water!

Uncleanly office equipment or work area is another sure sign of the Office Pig Pen. We’ve all seen the nasty keyboard, complete with stained keys and crumbs in between the keys. You may also see finger print smudges on the computer screen from the Office Pig Pen using their dirty, greasy fingers to point out something on the PC. Food debris on the floor or desk marks yet another sign of the Office Pig Pen.

Posted by The Turtle King at Tuesday, April 24, 2007 0 comments    

Labels: Work Philosophy

Over my career I’ve worked for all types of dysfunctional bosses. In fact, I’ve written about a few in my previous posts (Stalin & the KBG & A Day in the Life: My Boss). I was recently talking to a former co-worker of mine and we were reminiscing about a former diminutive boss we had and all the quirky behaviors he exhibited. It was only 5 years ago that I and my former co-worker had the pleasure of reporting to a short and incredibly bossy Director named Brad.

Brad was appointed as our temporary boss after our VP was terminated (that’s another story to be told). Brad was known in our company as being hot tempered, crude, and over-bearing. He was the kind of guy who would shoot first and ask questions later, always running head first into decisions without fully thinking them through. Because of his behavior and the fact that he stood a mere 5 foot 4 inches tall, we appointed him the nickname Napoleon (note: he never knew of the nickname) We also gave him this nickname because his actions seemed to reflect a man exhibiting “Napoleon Syndrome”; a type of inferiority complex associated with short people, who perceive their height as a handicap and try to overcompensate for it somehow.

The chairs Napoleon had in his office are the best example of his height inferiority complex. The chairs in Napoleon’s office were overly cushioned and when you sat down you would slowly sink downwards into them. It was like sitting on quicksand. In addition to the cushions the chairs were very low to the ground as there were virtually no legs on the chairs. It looked like the legs on the chairs had been sawed off somehow. The quick sand cushioned, legless chair resulted in you sitting so low to the ground that you would actually be looking upwards at Napoleon. I am over 6 foot tall and when I would sit in his chair I would sink so far down that my knees would almost be even with my chest. In addition to our chairs being low, Napoleon’s chair was raised up as his feet barely touched the ground when he was sitting in his chair. I guess he raised his chair to further create a feeling of superiority over us. It was completely ridiculous.

My coworkers and I had to deal with Napoleon and his chairs for a little over a year. He then was exiled to an assignment in our Minnesota office. He took his big personality and his chairs with him.

Posted by The Turtle King at Friday, April 20, 2007 0 comments    

Labels: Bad Bosses

I’ve added some new features to the Turtles at Work blog to hopefully enhance the experience of the folks that visit this blog frequently. Some new features I’ve recently added include:

Message Board. On the right side you will notice the “Enter My Forum” button. Click on this and it will take you to a Turtles at Work Message board. I have opened up a few topics for discussion. Please feel free to visit and chime in.

Guest Map. Also on the right side you will notice a “Guest Map” button. Rather than having the normal boring guestbook, I found this map that allows you to tack the location your from and add your name as a guest of Turtles at Work.

Bookmark/Favorites Buttons. I’ve added some favorite and bookmark buttons on the right side of the blog for your convenience.

Polls. Occasionally I will post polls on various subjects on the right sidebar. Click in and vote on the poll when I post one.

Drop me a line at king.oftheturtles@gmail.com if you’d like and feel free to leave comments after any of my posts. Your feedback is appreciated. Thank you

Turtle King

Posted by The Turtle King at Friday, April 20, 2007 1 comments    

Labels: New Features

Over the past few weeks there have been several “culture changing” emails and memos sent out to the employees of my company from our executives.

The first memo for instance includes the completely overused acronym TEAM (together everyone achieves more) with a keen insightful passage “as you’ll notice there is no I in TEAM”. This memo hit home as my 9th grade basketball coach shared the same insight over 20 years ago and we went 0-17 that season.

The next memo details out the expectations our president has for the leaders of our company. “Lead by Example”, “Be a Team Player” and “Challenge the Status Quo” are all key statements made by the head honcho is his groundbreaking document. He ends the memo with the snappy phrase “fail to plan and plan to fail” referencing the fact that the leaders need to better layout their goals, objectives and expectations.

Several of my naive co-workers will optimistically believe these encouraging words from our big shots are part of a real change. I can hear the comments such as “wow, this is a good sign” and “it looks like someone at the top realizes we are important.” As a Work Turtle I am keen to these types of executive mind tricks and unlike my gullible colleagues I easily realize that emails and memos don’t result in a culture change, actions do.

A few days after the “culture changing” emails are sent out I am presented with a situation that proves my point. Unfortunately one of my gullible colleagues is the brunt of the cultural backfire. A fellow manager, Rob, sees a problem that is impacting our customers. This problem has existed for some time and has been accepted as how we do business. Seeing the “culture changing” memos and emails Rob decided to “Challenge the Status Quo” by questioning the problems and what we can do to better service our customer. Rob emails the departments involved and tries to get a team of people together to look at the problem. Rob asks “can meet to discuss these issues and setup a plan to include how we stop/reduce the issues and monitor the results”.

Rob has tried to address this problem in the past with no result, but this time he feels empowered by the culture changing emails so he hits send, feeling like he is going to make a difference. Then the response from the Executive Vice President of the department involved in creating the problem comes crashing down on Rob (response below)

Rob,

Why do you have to keep harping on this with stupid question? As long as we have people working here we will always have problems. If you would like I could investigate employing robots maybe that would solve the problem. I don’t ask you stupid questions when your people screw something up. There will never be “a plan” that will solve all these issues. If you come up with it, tell me so I can patent it and retire a rich man.

Doug
Executive Vice President of Manufacturing

Now you would think that an Executive Vice President would be in the loop on the “culture changing” emails. You would also think that there would be the customary “love fest” period of a couple months in which everyone is drunk on the culture change stuff and tries to cooperate. In this case it only took a few days to show Rob and other employees that actions speak louder than emails or memos. Executives will have these great ideas to change the company culture, but if there is no action or accountability to live the culture set forth, than nothing happens. Instead employees, who long for such change, are victims of the harsh reality that nothing will ever change. If you are a Work Turtle you will realize these false promises of culture change. If you are not a Work Turtle, what are you waiting for?

Posted by The Turtle King at Tuesday, April 17, 2007 0 comments    

Labels: Poor Management

Just like in the movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray, I relive the same work day over and over again. I report in to my backwards company to deal with the same various workplace personalities and the same clueless leadership. I struggle through, watching as idea after idea falls on deaf ears as my contributions are vastly ignored. But for as much as my work life is a torturous cycle, there is a creature that actually thrives in his own Groundhog Day scenario

Instead of dealing with constant work frustration he is on cruise control. His bank account is full of money but his mind is full of rocks. He is old in body and mind, physically overweight and occasionally wears clothing that matches. His beady little eyes hide behind his classic steel frame bi-focal glasses. The gem of speak of is.....gulp......my boss!

I've tracked his movements from day to day using various surveillance techniques I've seen on TV. From my various stealthy observations I have constructed the below time line, detailing out his movements and activities throughout the day. As I have stated earlier, these movements and activities do not change or vary from day to day. My boss is an extreme creature of habit. Here goes:

• 7:00am-7:30am: Boss gathers materials (cereal, milk, bowl, and spoon) and commences eating of breakfast (usually fiber cereal served with skim milk).


• 7:30am-7:40am: Boss wanders down hallway with cereal materials to clean bowl and spoon in sink, then returns back to office.


• 7:40am-10:00am: Boss reviews various newspapers (Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Local Newspapers) reading every page of every newspaper. He is not shy about doing this as papers are spread out, open across his desk.


• 10:00am-10:10am: Boss wanders out of his office to flirt with attractive department assistant and request her to get him his morning coffee. He usually tells a joke, laughing at himself. Attractive department assistant evokes fake laugh then gags as he turns.


• 10:10am-11:00am: Boss drinks coffee as he strains his brain playing solitaire or pinball on his PC. He cannot be disturbed over this time frame and will actually become volatile if you interrupt him during a move.


• 11:00am-11:30am: Boss logs onto the Internet to review stock quotes and latest news stories.


• 11:30am-12:00pm: Boss strolls over to my office to "check in". This is the longest 30 minutes of my day as I get to hear the "bad news" on my latest recommendation. I also get to hear about other nonsense like the wording of an email or the font used in my reports.


• 12:00pm-1:15pm: Boss goes to lunch with other head honchos at local restaurant. He and other big shots feast and laugh at how lucky they are to be able to do nothing and get paid six figures to do so.


• 1:15pm-1:40pm: Boss heads to bathroom, stall #2 to commence his afternoon dump. Male employees in the department are well aware of this as they have encountered the men's room during this time frame. Some are still hospitalized from the fumes.


• 1:40pm-2:30pm: More solitaire and pinball play.


• 2:30pm-3:30pm: He will read his email during this time frame and only during this time frame. I have put return receipts on my emails and have noticed this phenomenon.


• 3:30pm-4:00pm: More wandering takes place as he walks down the aisles making wisecracks and trying to stir up conversation with his underlings. Mostly people try to turn and avoid eye contact with him as they don't want to be subjected to bad jokes and horrible stories.


• 4:00pm-5:00pm: This is cleanup time for Boss. He will gather all of his waste from the day and organize his office for tomorrow. All the newspapers will be neatly wrapped together and placed in his trashcan. He makes his call to his wife to ready dinner as his large body is starting to eat away at all the stored fat he has. His salad over lunch just wasn't enough and he is getting hungry.

Posted by The Turtle King at Monday, April 16, 2007 2 comments    

Labels: Bad Bosses

Towards the end of my tenure at my first company (see post: Stalin and the KGB) I was recruited by a financial company in the Philadelphia area. I had posted my resume on Monster.com and within weeks had gotten contacted by my soon to be new company. The HR representative from the company was extremely courteous which was encouraging. I was asked to visit the company for a formal interview with the VP of my future department.

When I arrived for the interview I was further encouraged by the professional surroundings and the approach of my interview. I was basically treated like a king as I was toured around the building and introduced to the various groups I would be managing. The VP would comment “This is our new Client Services Manger (referring to me)” following up with “He will bring tons of analytical skill, background, and professionalism to our company.” As the interview processes ended that day my VP left me with the comment “we’ll be looking forward to your input and ideas.”

“Wow”, I thought “This company really wants me.” I was offered and accepted the position shortly after the interview and was completely pumped to start with my new company. My offer was generous as my salary and benefits exceeded my expectations. As I drove in for my first day I felt that things couldn’t be better. I would be working for a first class company that respected me for my skills and abilities and compensated me to boot. I thought my new job was perfect, but unfortunately my thoughts of work utopia were to be dashed.

I began at my new company with only positive thoughts. I immediately worked hard at building relationships with my peers and subordinates. I listened to their concerns and problems and began to plan out projects that would address and correct issues. In particular I involved front line employees, because those people are the folks that really know what is going right or wrong.

After completing my first improvement project, I scheduled a meeting to present my results and recommendations to the VP and Directors of my department. I had sent out an agenda, complete with a detailed project summary document prior to the meeting. As I began to review my project and recommendations I hit the wall of indifference with the VP and Directors. Each of my recommendations got shot down with comments like “this is a nice idea, but…” or “this is something we should do, but now is not the time.”

I didn’t let the defeat of my first project stop me. I took on many other projects however they all ended with the same result as the first. I thought back to my interview when my VP commented about my “skills” and how he’d “be looking forward to my input and ideas.” I thought my ideas would count. Didn’t they were bringing me in to try and improve the company? Suddenly though I felt like I was the village idiot as all of my ideas were “nice” but not used.

The last straw came with reporting I was assigned to do weekly. After submitting the reports, I would follow up with my VP and Directors just to see their thoughts or answer any questions they had. They never really had anything to say and I began to become suspicious that they weren’t even reading them. I decided to insert some bold text in the beginning, middle and end of the report that said “If you read this line please contact me at extension 2175.” I sent out the report and did not receive a response from anyone. My reports were very informative and contained information that would help my peers understand what was going on in the department, yet they weren’t reading them. I next decided to insert photos instead of content in my reports to see if anyone would notice. Week after week my reports would contain pictures of clowns, bears, batman, etc (actually pics I used below). Still no response or comment from my peers.


I was brought into the company under the pretense that my skills, abilities and ideas would be taken into account, yet none of that held true. The VP and Directors of my department had no interest in actually improving things, they simply wanted to just come in and run things without having to listen to me or the front line employees. They were arrogant and un-involved.

Executive arrogance is extremely common in companies. Many executives feel that they attained their position for a reason and know the pulse of the company. The truth is that the further up the ladder the executives go the less connected they are to the employees that actually make the company successful. This arrogance prevents middle level managers, like me, from actually implementing improvements because the arrogant executive doesn’t think improvement is needed. The executives believe that if they didn’t think of the improvement than an improvement isn’t needed.

Be wary of companies that say they are bringing you in to help make change and implement your ideas. The arrogance of executive leadership somehow builds you up during the interview process but dumbs you down as you work for the company.

This was another major experience in my work life that led me to become a Work Turtle. I left that company and joined another company that touted me for my ideas and skill, yet fails to allow me to make any changes. Even when I have proven that my changes would save money, improve customer satisfaction or improve employee satisfaction I’m still ignored. Oh well, back to my shell for now.

Posted by The Turtle King at Thursday, April 12, 2007 0 comments    

Labels: Shell-Shocked