Friday, July 13, 2007

When Brown Nosers Attack

I've been covering the topic of changing jobs in the past few The grass IS greener posts. I will continue that series, however I'm changing gears for at least this post.

In an early post titles Turtling Through Workplace Personalities I detailed out a number of fun people many of you may work with. In my opinion the most dubious of all Workplace Personalities is "The Brown Noser". I have come across many Brown Nosers over the course of my career. The typical Brown Noser is harmless in many ways and most people realize he or she is a complete idiot and somewhat harmless.

However recently a new breed of Brown Noser has emerged at my company. His name is Phil and he is a hybrid of Brown Noser, Back Stabber and Con Artist. Phil started at my company about 5 months ago and initially came across as a straight-forward, honest guy (The Con Artist Part). Then I watched as he slowly began a record streak of ass kissing (The Brown Noser Part). And now he has established himself as a back stabber, ratting on anyone he can to the big shot he brown noses with (the Back Stabber Part). Because of his rare blend of talents he actually is now being seen as a key member of management by our clueless big shots, even though everyone in middle management despises him and realizes what a worthless tird he is. To make matters worse he has this Fargo-esque accent that is completely irritating and he throws in a few "ya's" and "u betcha's" during meetings.

Now I have never come across this leathal blend of talents, but this new breed of Brown Noser can be handled by a group of team oriented Turtles. My fellow Work Turtles and I resort to a counter ass kissing measure in which we actually brown nose the brown noser. During meetings I will start by feverishly agreeing or complimenting Phil for his "great ideas" or "innovative approach". Then the other Turtles will chime in with like praise. Now we all know this guy is a complete joke, but that's the bueaty of this approach. You and your fellow Turtle co-workers know your compliments are shallow, but Phil doesn't. His ego blows up as he is overcome by the constant praise of the group.

Now I know some will say that giving him praise is helping him get promoted, but let's face it, he's going to get promoted anyhow due to his ass kissing and back stabbing anyhow. At least our approach allows us to avoid getting back stabbed by Phil while in turn giving us the enjoyment of watching him bask in fake praise. It's how Turtles stay safe when confronted with a hybrid brown noser!


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